Late Night Thoughts
Or really any time of the day. Because thoughts race 24/7.
Just like about every time I start writing a piece, it’s nighttime, the lights are dimmed, chill music is playing in the background, I’m supposed to sleep soon. But just before going to bed, a thought lingers in my head.
Weren’t you supposed to write? How long has it been since the last piece? You know, I kinda feel a certain way right now…let’s type away…
As always, at any second of my day, but especially when I am left alone with my thoughts and it is getting late, a thousand thoughts race through my head, some consciously, some subconsciously.
Today wasn’t such a bad day- I set a meeting with the Director of IT at this company we are interested in- I actually worked out today, accomplishing my set habit for the day, despite coming off work so late- well, my right wrist started to hurt again, so it didn’t last long- Ya think that girl would still think about me and write me back to meet when she returns? Eh, what are the chances, righ- Yo, that newsletter post by
I read on the way home was so good, I mean especially with the background music he put up in the post, and the sheer poetry that was the message behind the text, that was exactly right up my alley- Aw man, it’s so late, I gotta get up early for work, I shouldn’t stay up so late- Ah, hold on, what happened with my writing, when was the last-So you see, the mind is a busy and buzzin’ organ, thinking and switching thoughts left and right, so seamlessly you don’t even notice a thing. 24/7. And well, idk, that was just an idea I developed these last 25 minutes in front of my laptop. Surely there will be a point to all of-
Hey, you know what, why am I writing all of this…if I don’t get anywhere with it. I mean, e.g. My Year In Review issue was one of my best pieces, people liked it, some even loved it to a point where they get out of their way to write me and say how it moved them…yet they don’t subscribe, even with a hint. So you did your best job, got the best reaction your writing could ever induce, but it still wasn’t enough for them to follow your work? After that one, you continued writing another article about How to Actually Achieve Your Goals, a guide to help people as directly as one can, but that was the worst-performing post in terms of open/reading rate and views. So why?
I don’t blame anyone. Why I am still writing I suppose is because I do it for myself to a large extent, it does feel nice to reflect, and pour out your emotions, expressing yourself. To pause and look back. How am I feeling right now? How were the last days, weeks, months? And then I remember, what a good life you’re living. It ain’t perfect, but hey, you gotta give yourself some credit, you’re navigating this little journey called life pretty well. And you know what? As past posts have proven, there is a fair chance you touch someone’s soul with each of your writing. You’re just being yourself. And being your natural self is relatable. Because you’re not alone in your thinking, in your experience, in your emotions.
But is that all I want? Or is there more to it than just “it feels nice to reflect”?
I mean there is this thing called “dream” that we are latching on to…even if we don’t know how it looks like. I, for one, don’t. At least not exactly. But I do know the vague feeling and direction I want to pursue.
If we go back to my adopted philosophy of “Connecting Dots”, then all I have to do is to move forward with doing whatever feels right, to “trust that the dots will somehow connect in [my] future. Trust in something - [my] gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give [me] the confidence to follow [my] heart even when it leads [me] off the well-worn path; and that will make all the difference.”
So I guess there is no easy answer, huh? Well, well, well. Then how about this: We all pick something concrete that will be important in coming closer to that ethereal “dream”. Some initiative that we have to start if we were to ever reach that goal of ours - however uncertain, scary or far it seems.
What is that first tiny step for you?
Oh, me? Well, I suppose I’m doing quite we- Wait, am I??
Okay, here’s the thing, this is the moment where you get back into the state of beating yourself up for not being “productive” enough. But in reality I’m not doing too bad. In fact, I feel quite happy. And the state of progress I’m in is not even miserable. However! It could indeed be “better” if I designed a “more effective structure” for myself, now that I think about it.
If you read my last post about the “Goals Toolkit”, then this photo might seem familiar to you:
I started tracking my habits again back then, my intention was to build up my habits one by one slowly but sustainably. And you know what, I’ve been doing pretty well:
But this is the moment where I might consider shifting up a notch. Because while yes, I’ve been keeping it simple to keep the streak going, I’ve not really paused to reflect on my progress on my actual goal (which is still secret because [?]). What was the benchmark for reaching my goal, and how close am I to that? I still don’t know. The problem is that I’ve been going through the motions. Getting up, hurrying to work, finishing work, going home, making food, watching something or doing whatever else until it’s so late that I should head to bed right away. There was no one pushing the alarm button telling me “Dude, if your goal is to be taken seriously - which you haven’t reviewed in a while - then it’s almost half-time, and you still don’t know how well you are actually doing. Some sense of urgency, please!”
So yeah, I guess this is my sign to check on myself, and analyze for weaknesses in my overall plan. Brb!
Find out whether Patrick is on a good path to reaching his goal in the next episode of…“Patrick’s Adventures”! (do let me know if you have a better name haha) Stay tuned!
Favorite Things
Movie - Past Lives. I’ve watched this movie a while back in January. And I have to say, it’s just beautiful. The very subtle and human elements of the movie make it special. What if? In the last seconds of the movie, tears suddenly rolled down my cheeks.
Tool - Akiflow. It’s a productivity tool that I’ve been using for almost two years! It’s really your daily toolkit for organizing your todos and schedule, as it not only combines a rich task management with great user experience but also integrates it all directly into your calendar. This combination of tasks and calendar is what makes the time management work really well for me. If you want to support me btw, an easy way is to check out the tool with this link (if you choose to subscribe, I’ll get a kickback, thanks! 😊)
Video - a (trail) love story. I’ve been getting back into running. Two months back I discovered this trail runner called Billy Yang, and this video showing his story of how he found his love was just heartwarming and personally quite resonating :)
You ARE doing quite well Patrick.
We write for ourselves before anyone else, the end goal matters little often compared to the joy writing gives us so don't beat yourself up too much. Perhaps, the dots have been connecting all along.